I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
