that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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