How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
