when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
