So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
