I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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