I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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