Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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