i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
