I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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