I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You can't just leave with hair like that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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