the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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