yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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