im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
