yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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