I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
