When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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