she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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