Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
