They should really pass out barf bags in church
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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