Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
