When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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