i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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