Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
