alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
