is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
