Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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