sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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