omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
