You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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