We're facebook friends in real life
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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