I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
