This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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