We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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