if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
