I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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