My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
