You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize