You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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