Im at strip club and am horny
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
