Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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