i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
