Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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