So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
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so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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