Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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