Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
