I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The struggles of a small town man whore
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
