I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
