Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i've created a new STD.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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