I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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