I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
These tits shall not be calmed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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