Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
