Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
