i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
