I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize