i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
