what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
