New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
