don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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