MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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