yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
