i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
