Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
