I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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