is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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