There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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