i permit you to call me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
