I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
