you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
