I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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