I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
