We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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