just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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