just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
